


Castle On A Cloud

by Fangirlingmanaged



Series: The Note [4]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Adorable, Dorks in Love, Feels, Fluff, Inspired by Poetry, Little bit of angst, M/M, Pet Names, Steve Feels, steve misses his mom, tony is a good boyfriend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-25
Updated: 2015-03-25
Packaged: 2018-03-19 12:52:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3610752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangirlingmanaged/pseuds/Fangirlingmanaged
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve's the leader. He's the rock. He's supposed to be unbreakable... but even super soldiers have demons. And sometimes they cry.<br/>Tony finds himself having to comfort Steve when things become too much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Castle On A Cloud

**Author's Note:**

> Now we see Steve's weaknesses! about time!

It’s easy to assume that, because he takes care of his lover and his team, he doesn’t require the same kind of comfort that his family does. He has seen it on the television and the magazines, he has overheard it in conversation and on the radio, so Steve tries to keep his feelings quiet to keep them from prying eyes. He has found that this includes his team, to an extent, because even though they all are very well aware that they all have baggage to deal with. The thing is, though, that Steve is the only one who doesn’t outwardly show it. He flinches when cold water hits his skin, gun shots make him breathe quicker, and his mind still boggles when he looks at the prices of things, but he’s not overly panicky about anything.

He’s not like Bruce who always fidgets and shrinks in on himself when someone mentions the other guy, or the way Clint adjusts his hearing aids every few minutes even though he doesn’t need to because he had been deprived of his sense so much; he’s not like Thor, who manages to break things without noticing when someone brings up Loki. He isn’t even like Natasha, who for all her calm, curses in Russian and grinds her teeth when something reminds her of the Red Room. He isn’t, especially, like Tony. Precious Tony who hides in his lab rather than face his feelings, who breaks things and blows up half of SHIELD when someone mentions Howard, who has to force himself into baths and pools in order to desensitize himself. Steve is nothing like that.

That doesn’t mean, however, that he doesn’t require comfort every once in a while.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Tony first encounters this side of Steve way before their relationship even starts. It’s soon after they met when for whatever reason they end up in a grocery trip together. No, that’s a lie, it is not for whatever reason that this happens. It’s more due to the fact that Natasha had threatened Steve until he had given in and Clint had done that thing. That thing he does where he pretends to be a helpless little bird, head tilted to the side and all, and played with his hearing aids while telling Tony to _please_ make up with the super soldier for world peace. That’s what gets Tony: World Peace. Thanks Obadiah, for continuing to get on his nerves even after his death. That hadn’t really worked, though it had hit a nerve. Then Clint proceeded to threaten pranks. Tony lasted a week like this. Then, Clint had conveniently lost his aids and kept shouting at Tony. Tony lasted approximately seventy-three minutes. Then he agreed.

So there they were, Steve pushing the cart as Tony didn’t even try to keep his hands off anything on the aisles. Steve is being his sensible, boy-scout self, with a list he compiled by asking each single individual avenger (plus Coulson) what they required. He doesn’t, however, know where things usually are or hold the money require to pay for things. Hence, why Tony was coerced into coming. He’s playing with a bag of clips, a nerf gun, and a bunch of rubber bands when he first notices it. Steve has slowed down, his eyes scanning the shelves with a somewhat flabbergasted look on his face. Tony notices the trembling in his hand as he picked up a can of soup.

Tony has an asshole comment on his lips, ready to mock the Captain for his reaction to _canned soup_ when it hits him. Steve, because the Captain doesn’t act like this, Steve the little shrimp from Brooklyn wouldn’t have had this. He wouldn’t have had this excess and availability of food when he was a kid. The poor man had grown up in the depression, for crying out loud. Tony sees him glance at the price, and he makes this little pained sound as he does. This, Tony thinks, was a terrible idea. Who thought sending the kid who couldn’t fucking afford food in the 19-fucking-40s with the asshole who had more money than sense to the supermarket was a good idea?

 _This is your chance to prove to him you’re not a dick, Stark. Just fucking try to think before you talk for once,_ Clint’s non-so-subtle advice pops up unbidden in Tony’s mind. Okay, don’t be a dick. Don’t be a dick. He can do that. He can definitely keep himself from being a douchebag. He takes a deep breath and his fingers play with the rubber bands in his hands. Then he plunges right in and hopes he still has some socialization skills.

“Different?” is all he manages to get out.

Steve startles like Tony shocked him. He can see the cloud’s in his teammate’s eyes. The same kind of clouds that Tony gets when he has a flashback. He doesn’t doubt that, for the last few minutes, he was back in his town trying to scrape enough money to keep himself and his mom alive. Tony has read the file, and he has heard the stories, and he feels like a lower human being every time he looks at Steve for it. It’s one of the reasons why he’s so caustic with him.

“I… uh, yeah, a bit. Is it… Has it always been like this?” Steve looks at Tony like he holds all the answers to this universe that he had been plunged into. Tony feels chocked up at that look. He can’t talk about money; he’ll fuck it up.

“I… I don’t—“his fingers go back down to his rubber bands. He feels like he’s six again and being questioned about chemical reactions by his father. All the bravado breaks under that look.

“Hey, Tony, it’s okay,” Steve says softly. And that’s wrong, it’s all wrong, because shouldn’t Tony be comforting Steve? Steve’s the one that just had an oh-shit-I’m-in-the-future-moment. Tony decides to get his act together, for Steve, to comfort him. To be a decent human being for once.

“I don’t know if the prices have always been like this. It doesn’t… matter, for me, I guess.” Tony can see Steve hardening under that comment, and he hastens to add. “I… Well, Pepper and I, mostly Pepper really, have this program. She… she brought to my attention that a lot of kids don’t… don’t have the money, to afford any of this,” he gestures to the shelf with the, frankly, cheap soup cans. “So, we feed them. You know that side project I made for those car companies?” At Steve’s slow nod, Tony grins a little. Steve thinks it’s adorable, how he looks all insecure but proud. “All of that goes to… like, orphanages and low income communities and stuff. I… I always thought that… nobody should starve if they didn’t have to.” He ends his sentence bitterly, and he fists the contraption in his hands enough and destroys what was once an impressive nerf cannon.

“Tony, what do you—“Steve extends himself to claim Tony’s attention back. The shorter man, however, sidesteps him and hollers something about waffle cookies. Steve shakes his head, exasperated and fond ( _already_ ) as he follows the genius. He still makes a tab to ask Tony about his comment at a later date. He already has a fairly long list.

Steve finds out, soon after they start dating, that one of Howard’s punishment for Tony was to withhold food from him until he was weak enough to cry.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Steve doesn’t have nightmares. At least for the first few months of them sleeping in the same bed, and Tony means sleeping. No extracurricular activities. Yes, he sleeps without the covers on because they make him feel constricted. And he grabs on to Tony like he never wants to let him go. He can’t sleep alone exactly a week after they get together. He whispers _I love you_ into Tony’s ear every night, _in case—_ here Tony silences with a kiss every time.

So it comes as a surprise (read: it leaves Tony fucking terrified) when one night he comes up to their bedroom after a bender with the suit, to find his lover curled up against Tony’s pillow. He was whimpering, and Tony felt his heart break in his chest a little bit. He hastens his way to the bed, and that’s when he hears it.

“Momma,” Steve whimpers again. “P-p-please.” The stutter, Tony of course knows about Steve’s speech problem (health problem number one-fucking-thousand.) He makes his way to the bed, and gathers Steve in his arms. He’s shivering, and he makes these little motions with his hands, these little grabby-hands… And Tony bites his lip. “Momma, please, don’t go… Momma.”

“Shh, Stevie,” Tony tries to sooth him.  He brings him up close to his chest, and Steve immediately turns around and buries his head in his chest. Steve has always, for some reason, found the reactor comforting. Tony kisses his head and recites poems, his favorites, and cards his fingers through his hair. “It’s okay, baby, you’re fine.”

“Mmm… Tony,” Steve whispers at last. He huddles closer to Tony and finally calms down. The genius tries his best not to cry.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

It’s a month later that Steve brings his dreams up. He doesn’t really remember that Tony caught him that time, and the genius has been too scared to bring it up. He knows how his mother’s dreams haunt him, he doesn’t want to hurt Steve more by bringing up the (honestly) amazing woman that raised him. He keeps watch, however, while Steve sleeps. He has recorded his voice, in case he’s away one day while Steve has nightmares, but it hasn’t happen yet. Tony is infinitely grateful for that.

He’s lounging on the sofa in Steve’s art studio. Shut up, it’s airy in there and sunny… just like Steve. He has a book of Pablo Neruda’s poems in his hands, and JARVIS is playing the mix that Steve made him at the beginning of their relationship. That’s how Steve finds him, curled up in a little ball while reading his poetry, and it gives him the courage he needs.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he greets him as he bends down to kiss his forehead. Tony smiles lazily up at him, sort of like a content cat, and makes a sound of acknowledgement. “I needed to ask you something.”

“Mmm… Anything, winghead.”

“Would you… I mean, if you’re not busy, would—“he has to swallow hard and look away. This makes Tony sit up with a concerned look and he leans forward so they’re face to face. Suddenly, there’s a hand carding through Steve’s sun bleached hair, and he manages to continue. “Would you like to visit Ma with me today?”

The smile Tony gives him is still one of his favorites.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

“Hey, Momma,” Steve starts while they stand in front of the generic tombstone that marks Sarah Rogers’s last resting place. Steve figured it wouldn’t be there, but Tony had informed him that it had kind of become a national monument. It wasn’t a secret that Sarah had been one of the major reasons why Steve was Captain America. “I wanted to introduce Tony to you. Since, you know, I’ve been talking about him so much.” Tony laughs under his breath as Steve’s cheeks turn pink. Steve pulls him closer and kisses his temple. “He’s… Gosh, Ma, he’s just—“

“Swell,” Tony finishes for him and grins up at his lover. “It is an incredible honor to meet you, Mrs. Rogers. I just want you to know that I’m trying to take good care of him for you.”

“Yeah, when he’s not trying to give me a heart attack with his stunts,” Steve retaliates good-naturedly. He crouches down in front of the tombstone and places a hand on it. Tony lays a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Gosh, Ma, I miss you so much. I wish you could be here right now. Wish you could’a met my fella, you know. He’s… he makes me feel less alone. He just… I love him so much, Momma,” Tony can’t help the little sad noise he makes at that. He leans forward and buries his head in Steve’s hair. Steve pets his hand soothingly. “He’s such a dork, you know. He makes everything so much better for me, and even if he doesn’t… even if he doesn’t admit it… he’s so good to me. You would have loved him too, I bet.”

Tony clears his throat and kneels down next to his boyfriend. He wipes his hands on his face, trying to pretend he isn’t crying, but he knows he’s fooling no-one. Steve gathers him close and tries to comfort him, but there is nothing to comfort. He’s crying, for the first time in a long time, because he is happy. He’s happy, and so in love with this dork who still calls him mother Momma, and he doesn’t know how to make it stop. “I… Well, I don’t mean to put words in your mouth, Mrs. Rogers, but I know Steve’s been missing you a lot lately, and I… well, I was hoping to make things a bit better. I got you… I got you this poem, and I—if you don’t mind, I’d like to read it to you.” He waits a beat.

“I’m sure she’d love to, sweetheart,” Steve tells him, and Tony can tell he’s crying to. He refuses to look at him though because he knows he’ll cry if he does. So, Tony does.

“ _Well, son, I’ll tell you:_

_Life for me ain’t been no crystal stair._

_It’s had tacks in it,_

_And splinters,_

_And boards torn up,_

_And places with no carpet on the floor—_

_But all the time_

_I’s been a-climbin’ on,_

_And reachin’ landin’s,_

_And turnin’ corners,_

_And sometimes goin’ in the dark_

_Where there ain’t been no light._

_So boy, don’t you turn back,”_ Steve squeezes his hand painfully hard, and he finds himself out of breath. He turns to look at his lover, the most precious thing he has, and knows that he has to tell him this face to face. He has to know that his mother would have been proud of him. That his mother, whom he loved and lost so early in life, wanted the best for him. So he looks at him, tears running down both their faces, and continues.

“ _Don’t you set down on the steps_

_‘Cause you finds it’s kinder hard._

_Don’t you fall now—_

_For I’s still goin’, honey,_

_I’s still climbin’,_

_And life for me ain’t been no crystal stair.”_ Steve leans forward and kisses him hard. He wraps his fingers around Tony and pours everything he feels into that kiss. They’re both crying, and it’s salty and kind of gross, but he wouldn’t trade him for anything.

“What did I tell you, Ma?” Steve tells his mother as he brings them to their feet. He interlocks their hands together, and looks at Tony as he speaks. “He’s perfect.” He kisses Tony once more and tries to tug him away but Tony begs for more time. Steve complies with a soft, happy smile as he walks away and vows to have more joint visits in the future.

“Thank you,” Tony tells Sarah when he’s left alone. He watches Steve walk away, haloed with soft light, and smiles a tremulous smile. “He’s… He’s my miracle. I promise you, I’ll take care of him.”

**Author's Note:**

> Mother to Son- Langston Hughes


End file.
